To set the scene. It's the Saturday morning of our spring break. I've got swimsuits and random items lying around my room waiting to be packed. A mug full of lukewarm coffee sits on a coaster to my left and a bottled water 1/4 full sits to my right (hydration man). My hands are five shades darker than normal and there's a scent of spray tan lingering in the room, because ya girl needs some color but she ain't about the sun. I'm sitting at a desk perched in the corner of the room with a heater beaming warm air on my legs and I'm completely immersed into the word of God.
I just finished reading Psalm 23 and learned how the compound names of Jehovah in the Old Testament parallel with the content in Psalm 23... pretty cool folks.
After I've read and mediated on the word, I start writing and here's what I say:
Stop trying to out run the Shepherd. He is there to lead you. In fact, He desires to lead you, it's not a burden...you're not a burden.
You're inadequate to take care of yourself, so when you feel like you've failed...you haven't. It's not that you need to try harder, but you just need to divert your energy.
Stop perfecting and start pursuing, stop searching for solutions and start seeking, stop knocking yourself down and start knocking. You're a child and a sheep.
Be okay with not knowing all BECAUSE you know that you rest in the palm of the all-knowing.
Now, in the midst of this letter to myself I stopped and said, "but Lord I don't want to hear my words and I don't want others to either. I want your voice. So, quiet my soul, Lord, and let me hear your words."
After moments of distracted thought and reeled it back in and then after moments of complete quietness He said:
"Child, I gave you a gift, stop asking for constant affirmation and trust that I gave you this gift. Every word you write flows from my breath...Be Still and Know."
I subconsciously countered with, "But Lord I struggle...I'm not qualified."
He continued seamlessly with, even though you're still learning that doesn't mean that you can't start teaching. Now go and share."
So, here I am going and sharing.
I don't have some clever wrap up to this blog post, but I don't think it's needed. I don't think a summary is needed. I just think these words above were needed and I'm okay with not knowing.
Happy Saturday Friends may you let your Shepherd lead.
All my love,